Insides Revealed

"Is it real?" The scenes flash, the bombs crash. Lives lost, sadness outpouring. Power imbalance, egos exploding. Is it real? Another war, looming no more. Sounds lifted from a movie score. Where did it begin, where does it end? The pain and anger just will not bend. Is it real? First world problems, second-class citizens. Souls lifted up as first class passengers. Sacrifices given without asking. The ending must be near. Yes. Surely. No. Is it real? Is it real? -Adam Christopher

To some, the TikTok ban seems "right" and "justified" and most of that is tied to ignorance of what the app is, how it supports people, and what is really going on with the law that is threatening a ban on the app in the United States. To others, the platform has helped them realize "The American Dream" and reach the audiences who care most about their cause, goal or interest. The parent company, ByteDance , yes, is headquartered in China. Yet, so are numerous other companies who operate in the US, or at a minimum, create and import their products to the US. Social Media applications that are hosted in the US are generating even more intellectual property and political promoting political propaganda that has been influencing the opinions and direction of conversations for  years far beyond the existence of TikTok. Facebook, "X" (fka Twitter), and the like are responsible for consuming platform member data and using it to monetize and politically ...

November 5th, 2024 will be an election for the history books or at least for the near future around the water coolers, online via Social Media platforms, and in text exchanges. Today, picking up our kiddo from school, you could feel the tiptoed conversations. There seemed to be less conversation in the waiting area outside our grade level's school doors. Chit chat was less chatty. I listened intently for any cues that suggested someone might be "safe" to speak with and strike up a conversation. I left space both physically and relationally and allowed for engaging on what the future may hold. At that moment, I heard it, a subtle, "yeah, it's going to be an long interesting 4 years." I added my woes and click, we both knew, we were on the same page. A family we had started spending more time with, just gained points in the safe bucket. "What happened?" That's probably the most used phrase I've seen and heard posted and questioned in the past...

When was the last time you pulled an "all-nighter?" My calculations put me around 15-17 years ago when I was last in college. And here, at 2:09 AM, I find myself again wandering through my thoughts, attempting to find motivation, inspiration, and simply completion of a final term paper for my Masters class. Those all-nighters actually began in high-school and were coupled with a bottle of caffeine pills-which probably resulted in my now being immune to that stimulant, cause it now has no effect on me. Plus a DNA test showed I don't metabolize it, so who knows how that all happened. With the MCU Timeline series in the background to "keep me company" (Thanks Captain America), a pack of graham crackers (what am I, 5?), a completed bottle of Muscle Milk, and feeling the weening of the 5 Hour Energy I inhaled just after 11, things are going swimmingly (But are they really?) In college, all those years ago, I was formally diagnosed with ADD/ADHD (can't remember wh...

 F**ck Ya know, a good "F-word" is just simply needed sometimes and this is one of those times. Today, we spent 6 hours (yes, 6!) via Zoom in legal mediation on our home with the Sellers/Original Owners, their realtor and legal counsel, the mediator, and our attorney. I know, I know, woe is we, cause yes, we have a roof over our heads, we have heat and air and warm beds at night...so does any of that overshadow the sheer shittiness of the situation? Abso-freakin-lutely-NOT. And neither does any situation in which we may find ourselves that compared to a more extreme scenario, get diminished by the fact that it sucks for you, me or whomever in that situation. Because simply put, in our own sphere of influence, that situation is a pressure cooker that we may only feel. Just because someone else is going through something hard doesn't make one situation less important or difficult. This idea of comparative analysis was very difficult for me to overcome. Society has a great w...

Cobblestone, brick. Uneven, weathered. Hard, unforgiving. As I explored the sidewalks, streets, paths, alleys, piazzas, all points of history and present converged beneath my feet. The Colosseum, a notte (at night), illuminated with mystery, curiosity, intrigue, and respect. As I ventured out into Rome, I found myself feeling a part of the city in a way that doesn't feel "real." Navigating the walk with confidence, the hotel departure took me left down the sidewalk, past people waiting for the bus, dodging smokers, traversing crosswalks past cars and cabs all to turn a corner and feast eyes on the Altare della Patria, Altar of the Fatherland . Altar of the Fatherland The magnitude of its architecture, contrasted in light and shadows, all pull the eyes to the fire burning at the front of the "altar." The size unrealized until I arrived at the front of building and steps. Alone, my family back at the hotel, I wanted to experience Rome's second personality at n...

June 18th, 2019, I awoke from what was a 4+ hour surgery of a total thyroidectomy. The memory of the day passed as any "normal" Thursday. Although with a global pandemic and 3 months into quarantine, nothing feels normal these days. Nevertheless, lying in bed that evening next to my wife, I simply stated out loud, "Today was one year." The acknowledgement came and passed probably undeservingly as the events leading up to the diagnosis and surgery certainly were more than brief acknowledgments. And despite the many moments before, all that I mustered to give was a nod to the year that had been marked by June 18th. All that remains is a lesser scar than I had before, a daily pink pill of 100 mcg of Synthroid in the morning, the binder of reports, statements, Imaging CDs, and a "Thyroid Master" folder of all the digital files on my computer marking the journey from the unknown to the exposure of the diagnosis. With the weight of the world's other "ca...

This post has taken me a couple days...just when I thought I had my "perspective," I was presented with another one that altered my previous one and the direction of thinking I thought I was forming; the hope I thought I was returning to for humanity and the societal evolution I pray for and wish to come to fruition everyday was altered. Here's the beginning and where I "ended" in evolving my own thinking... Think about the last time something was said or done that took you so off guard you lost your breath, burst into tears, or just sat quietly thinking of all that transpired in that moment. Of all that you thought you knew, but realized you didn't. About two weeks ago, that type of event occurred in our bubble. And then just like that, it burst. For months, Noah hasn't been sleeping. Up and down, multiple times a night, long periods to put him to bed, broken sleep for us all. It's sucked. Simple as that. For most most his life really, it starte...

8 weeks. That's how long since my last appointment. Which feel more and more like a blur. As does the June 18th date of my surgery. And now, another date to mark, October 9th, nearly 4 months since my surgery. Last Wednesday, before my 3:45 appointment with my Endocrinologist, I had ironically received a notification of my LabCorp blood-work to my phone just 15 minutes prior. Normally, I pop open the results ASAP as my curiosity usually gets the best of me in wanting to know where my levels are. I get more and more adept at reading my labs to understand the new number I have to check just as a Diabetic might of insulin levels. Gratefully, I don't have to check my numbers that frequently, but nevertheless, the monitoring game continues. But this time, I decided to just wait and let me doctor do their informing. I left a couple conference calls right before my appointment and shot up to the 6th floor of the medical building at the hospital campus where my doctor's office ...

After a whirlwind trip to Detroit for the loss of Emily's Uncle Bo, we returned on 7/29, went home, grabbed some lab orders, and I was out the door to get to a 4 o'clock LabCorp appointment for blood draw. This was "the check" to read all Thyroid levels, PTH, TSH, Calcium, Thyroglobulin and more to see if radioactive iodine therapy was going to be prescribed. The good news is, no, I do not have to have radioactive iodine! Wahoo! And really there is no "bad news," just information and next steps. One of the cancer marker tests is for Thyroglobulin (Tg)- the protein synthesized by Thyroid cells. Since I have no Thyroid, I have very few Thyroid cells (since they can't remove everything) and if both my Tg levels and Thyroid Stimulating Hormone (TSH) levels are low, that's a good indicator there is no active cancer. As the doctor said, there is no guarantee of anything at anytime and he'll be following me for life basically. So, we keep checking a...

Not much has happened and yet, there is a lot going on. Emily is in the final phase of her practicum, another family visit with my Dad here to help with Noah is coming to a close in a couple weeks, and I've had a headache on the left side of my head for the past week. Although it hasn't worsened, it also isn't going away and normal remedies like Tylenol, don't seem to be helping. I'm not symptomatic in any other way in the sense of vision issues along with the headache, but it's still something I need to checkout. The Endocrinologist did get a call last week and said it probably wasn't the Synthroid, so there's that at least... Today was the next phase in repair and a return to normal. My voice has continued to ebb and flow between hoarse, tired, low, and seemingly everything in between. Monday, I was supposed to have my first Speech Therapy appointment, however, as I'm pulling off the highway at the exit to the University Hospital campus, I get a ...

Independence Day. 243 years old. As we marked yet another year of blasting fireworks, BBQ's, friends, family, days-off, long weekends, bad traffic, and celebration of the separation from the British colonists, I marked a different number. 16. The number of days since my surgery. And count 29 days until my next appointment with my Endocrinologist. At my annual eye exam which was this past Saturday, the 6th, they asked, "Have there been any changes or updates to your medical history?" I found myself sighing a deep breath as I recited my "lines": May 10th I was diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer and had a Total Thyroidectomy June 18th. The person taking the notes asked me the same questions three different ways to clearly transcribe what I had just told him. In that moment, I relived the phone call from the endocrinologist who called me with the results and the sinking feeling I had during the call at the team lunch we were holding at the time. All the appointments si...

As I started writing Monday night, I thought I had the energy, one more line of prose to express how tired and exhausted I was feeling, and how my first day back to work felt. Clearly I didn't make it... I've gotten on a schedule of taking my Synthroid at 10:30 PM as that's 2+ hours after eating anything and easier than in the morning where I'm not able to eat for an hour after taking the hormone. Additionally, I have to wait 4+ hours between taking any calcium or calcium-containing foods or supplementation to take my Synthroid. There's a whole "training" for taking Synthroid on their website and quiz - drink plenty of water, same time each day, avoiding certain foods...there are a lot of " rules " with Thyroid hormones. My endocrinologist said evening was fine as many users find that easier. The schedule is taking some getting used to and is helping me avoid eating after 8. I want to get to an earlier schedule and maybe switch to early morni...

Today was a "good" day. We fought traffic to get to my 9:30 AM appointment with a new, hopeful endocrinologist that was recommended by the PA of my surgeon as they also see this provider for their own care post-thyroidectomy. After completing typical intake paperwork with medical history, current health status, etc. and providing the receptionist with the latest paperwork from my followup yesterday, we only waited a short while until the nurse brought us back. They took my weight, height, vitals, etc. before the meeting with the doctor. The appointment lasted about 45 mins. The doctor was very knowledgable, detailed, and thorough. Friendly to Emily and Noah, and assuring again of the outcomes of Thyroid cancer. He has a solid background "in the field of thyroid cancer and subclinical thyroid disease, and won a national award for his work in thyroid cancer research." So, my confidence from the referral and his background was high. He discussed everything from t...

Post-Operative Followup (POD9) A yellow folder with 3 tabs: 1) "Path 6/18/19" 2) "OP Note 6/18/19" 3) "OV Note 6/21/19" - This is what we left with from my surgeon's office today for my post-operative appointment and a "Literature Review for the Highest Clinical Evidence of Common Topical Products Used to Reduce Post Incisional Scars." He knew I'd want copies of all the reports - he knows me well 😁 The first order of business, reveal the scar. My doc gloved up, and began peeling back the last piece of Steri-Strip remaining over the incision. No pain, just some slight pulling likely on the scabbing that was beneath. For the past 9 days, I had only seen the dark line beneath the white paper curious as to what would be left behind from my 4 hour neck dissection. Having kept it well protected during showering with some water proof bandages and plastic taped over the site the first few days, it was dry and stuck on pretty well. He ...

More times than not, when we find something that's impacted us or we feel impassioned about, we advocate the heck out of it and shout to the rooftops to bring awareness to others.  Remember the ALS Ice Bucket challenge? We do, cause we did it! So, naturally, you've now found your new world-ambassador for Thyroid and Neck Awareness! Not really, but, really do check-your-neck! "An estimated 15 million of Americans have undiagnosed thyroid problems." That's too many and to think if my care provider at the time had just kept pushing antibiotics for my bronchitis that wouldn't go away and not have ordered the chest CT, or if I hadn't continued to insist on draining and biopsying the recurrent cyst and just dealt with it like so many do in ignoring or diminishing health issues, well, who knows how this could have gone. My symptoms were nothing short of a sore throat, dry coughing, and well, that pesky lump in my throat. Literally, every time I swallowed ...

Having majored in music in college, in voice no less, of course the impacts of this surgery on my long term speaking and singing voice raised concern. Since the onset of the bronchitis in October last year, my voice has turned hoarse and at times or just leaves me altogether after prolonged periods of speaking. During the day, I'm on countless calls, in meetings, working with my team one on one, and then come home to sing and play with our son. In one of the second opinion consultations I had, the doctor referred me to a vocal specialist to dig a little deeper as during a Thyroidectomy, there are two sets of nerves that if damaged during surgery, can cause permanent damage to the voice: the recurrent laryngeal nerve and the external branch of the superior laryngeal nerve. The doctor wanted to confirm that nothing else concerning was going on that could cause surprise during surgery. On June 4th, I was scheduled a visit to this new provider, an otolaryngologist and a speech ...